Stepping into fear.
- Kayla Taylor
- Dec 30, 2017
- 6 min read
A few weeks ago I was talking with my dear friend and mentor, Barbara about our December English worship service. It was to be our second service since the semester started. As always I was excited to discuss details about the event, what the topic or discussion would be about, will Patrik be there to add musical spice and most importantly, would there be tea a snacks afterwards. When I asked how I could help prepare for the service I didn’t expect the next question, she asked if I would want to prepare the sermon for the service. Her question was backed by a smile so filled with warmth and encouragement. But my heart started to flutter, I probably blushed and started to stumble with my words. “Of course I couldn’t do that!” I’m thinking. Speaking in front of people in such a formal way, writing and offering my thoughts to others like this terrifies me. Seeing the look of fear on my face likely led her to make a joke about the title of our youth group, which just so happens to be centering on comfort zones. Our banner happens to read “Are you willing to step out of your Comfort Zone?” And as simple as that, I was backed in to my own corner and couldn’t possibly say no. “I wrote a sermon” is really never a sentence I imagined coming out of my mouth, but here I am a few weeks later sharing that very sermon with you. With surprise and joy I admit I thoroughly enjoyed the entire process. As cheesy as it sounds, I’m happy to say I stepped out of my comfort zone, tried something new and scary, and lived to tell the tale.
The sermon was based on Philippians 4:7 which reads:
"Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again—rejoice! Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is coming soon. Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you."
Paul writes this letter, speaking about joy, inner peace and prayer from the confines of a prison cell. Can you imagine this? "Don’t worry about anything; (he says) instead, pray about everything… Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand”. Paul’s connection and devotion to God's Divine Love liberates him from the fear, despair and longing that likely accompany imprisonment and isolation. Its undeniable that fear and longing are shared human experiences, and Paul offers us a way to transform our hearts from fear to love through prayer.
Prayer transforms our very hearts, prayer has the power to heal our inner wounds and open our eyes to both the beauty, and the suffering in the world. When we pray, we open ourselves up to the great wisdom and strength of the Holy Spirit. And through this connection, we are able to enter into our human relationships with greater care, vulnerability and love.
But here's the thing, humans have evolved with the gifts of free will and intellect. Which means that each day we have to make the choice to either live with our selves at the center of the story, or with Love at the center. And speaking from experience, we can and do choose our human strength and power so many days, in so many moments, which only results in a living from the ego. The sense of "I" that is always telling us we are greater than, less than.. more capable than, inadequate, never smart enough, never beautiful or sexy enough, never kind enough. We go about our days comparing and judging ourselves and others based on our perceived differences. Many of our societies silently teach us to live in this way, away from the Divine Spirit that is our greatest calling. We’re taught to fear, to worry, to be silent and complacent in the face of injustice, and the result is that we live in separation from others and God.
But in joy we learn from the great teachers in every major religious and spiritual tradition a radically different way of living. As Rabbi Zalman Schachter-Shalomi said, “When you witness and bless in everything you do. Prayer can become how you breathe. How you communicate. How you align yourself with the ground of being, the ground of love.” Or Father Richard Rohr from the Contemplative Catholic tradition who tells us “The purpose of prayer and religious seeking it to see the truth about reality, to see what is. And at the bottom of what is is always goodness. The foundation is always love.”
For me though, my idea and practice of prayer is ever growing and evolving. Growing up I had a single and limited understanding of prayer. That prayer was about asking a distant God for things or experiences, and if those things didn't come about God was to busy for me or not listening. Then there was a time where I rejected the whole thing, because to me prayer was irrelevant, greedy and unnecessary. I couldn't comprehend this limited idea I had of what God was, so I threw the whole concept out. Eventually this lead to a dark and pain filled spiral with of course, "me" at the center. I felt so acutely my separation from others, from my very family and friends, from life itself. I had to come to this place of being utterly lost and helpless before I could learn that there was a different way. Now I stand humbly here with you all, talking about the transformative power of prayer; the power of the spirit to transform our suffering, our grief and our fears into a sense of gratitude and joy for living.
And that’s beautiful.
So how do we pray? That's the real question! I think it's a real gift that we've come from around the world and are now here together. We can teach each other, and by listening, learn from each other's stories. We can learn to embrace and experiment with the endless forms that prayer can take. For me prayer takes the form of artistic expression through drawing and painting, through poetry, music, yoga and dance. Prayer becomes my walking to the market each week, my preparing and enjoying local food. Prayer is my footsteps on cold earth and my ascension up granite rock faces, tears falling and my heart pounding as I gaze out towards vast landscapes. But it also takes the form of lamentation, stillness, rest.. a mindful breath, and openhearted listening to what the deepest part of being is always saying; that in our natural state we are already loved, already whole and connected with the Great Spirit. I'm also learning about the healing power of gratitude and devotion to transform life.
What would it look like if we all decided to make each moment of our lives, each movement and action, a unique prayer of thanksgiving to God, the Source of life? Prayer doesn't have to be another thing to add to our to-do list. Ephesians 6:18 says it simply, “And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers.” Prayer is simply about living from our hearts. The season of Advent signifies a time to prepare our hearts and minds for the arrival of Christ, not outside of us, but within. And through prayer, we are transformed, healed and prepared for new life together.
I end with my adaptation of George Cappannelli’s daily prayer. Let us close our eyes and take a moment to honor our breath.
“Let us pray by listening to the still, small voice within. We pray when we sculpt, write, study, complete class work and share what we know. We pray when we celebrate nature with an open, curious heart. Let us remember that God is in all of the things we have ever done, failed to do and have yet to do. We send a prayer when we remember to be grateful, compassionate, generous and intimate with others. When we feel pain --our own and others-- and when we take risks, lose the way, and have the courage to accept the limitations of being in this human experience. We pray now, surrendering to not knowing and to silence, with our wit to experience awe in the face of the ordinary. We pray to live in truth. We pray to be faithful to that part of the great song that can only be sung through each of us, in this often confounding and yet extraordinary miracle that we call our life.”
As always, love and gratitude to you for taking the time to read and follow along my adventures in Pécs.
Namaste
Kayla Rose Taylor
Below are a few photos from December. Prayer taking many forms.
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