Prayers and Poetry: wild. wandering. words.

So this is new territory. Over the last year I've started to embrace poetry as a way to express and process my inspiration, joys, anxieties and pondering of life and love. I've also returned to prayer. As much as writing in this way is a new practice for me, it feels like coming home. Something natural, that's in my bones and blood. Both of my grandparents wrote poetry and I often feel a greater connection to life, my family and the Holy Spirit amidst writing in this way, as I'm sure they did too. My ego is trying to tell me that I'm crazy to think sharing this will bring anything but negative results. Butterflies, pounding heart, the whole nine. But if I know anything about myself and life, its that I crave authenticity. I long for vulnerable, real conversations and connections with people. I think we can all relate. Thus, I'm choosing to let my fear take a back seat and I'm choosing to trust in the value of discomfort and the potential for growth that lies within it. I'm choosing to trust in the power of that strange creative power that comes from within me. It may resonate, it may not.. and that's okay. Thank for reading with an open heart. Unending love and appreciation of you all.

November 13th

Sometimes I don’t know what to do

Okay, maybe more than sometimes

Sometimes

the answers aren’t written

in black and white

or written at all

sometimes

you have to wander

wonder

keep on moving

or maybe today

its stillness

maybe you can’t seem to find the strength

to get up

sometimes the heart is speaking so loudly

so profoundly

that all you can do is be still

and try to understand

learning that the mind doesn’t speak

the same language

as the heart

it can’t even come close

to understanding

feel

the vibrations of

a heart beat

sense the colors

that radiate

when eyes close

accepting whatever comes

release a bit further

with each falling breath

with each trickling beat

each stinging tear

opens up space

for truth

the kind of truth that speaks no language

or every language

the kind of truth that undergirds all questions

undermines all answers

overturns all judgments

all perceptions

that come about through anything

other than

stillness

and warmth

love

touch

breathe in

to the

heaviness of heart

the

lightness of being

and listen

"Weekly curry for my soul"

sometimes

onions make me cry

tears

that I didn’t know were

waiting for me

"Moments"

each moment

holds

within it

every possibility

for living

for death

for joy

for sorrow

each moment

holds

within it

every chance

for connection

for depth

for love

each moment

holds

within it

every potential

life

being lived

every potential

sought after

our very

seeking

hides the depth

of each moment

hides

every possibility

every chance

every potential

for true freedom

for true Love

for true enrichment

lives

only in

this

moment

only lives

this

breath

welcome

each moment

let go

in to the sweetness

Holy

Sacred

Spirit

that

lives

only in

this

moment

November 7th:

"3am, never one for counting sheep"

talk

speak

say something

anything

my heart screams

please

see me

gaze turned down

overwhelmed

over worked

exhausted of

my internal

voice

I walk away

with guilt

on my hands

shame on my

heart

blame

shame

guilt

for all the pain

unspoken

why can't I

just be

ext.

exit

leave. run. retreat

extroverted

alone. space.

my refuge

all these years

spent

gathering wounds

from moments

I counldn't be myself

show myself

feeling unseen

misunderstood

misrepresenting

playing

dress up

with myself

who's to blame

how to break out of this

shame

relationships

I molded

folded

repressed -- ignored

unable to feel

but how could I not

All I do is feel

It never stops

the only thing

Real

Heal

Open

Allow

Respect

All the things

I couldn't do

with you

young lover

I tried to become you

so you and I

could understand

each other

how could I not loose my way

loose my light force

my life force

no longer radiant

so many scars

samsaras

built up

around the very thing

that makes me

my light

love devotion emotion

connection

four years

twenty four years

thats a lot a years

to wander

I wonder now

I feel more space

opening back up to Faith

and Grace

Allow

Humbled

by that very thing

that's made me suffer

attachment to

"the other"

rejecting self

no longer

loving every

little piece

Healing every

litte

scar

in order to

open

wide. fucking. open.

the potential

of embracing

the love

grace

that surrounds

breaks down all those dreams

of separation

stories

of isolation

healed by

inner connection

interconnected

inter twinned

introspected

Accepting

Allowing

introverted

Being

November 3rd

" Prayer to the Full Moon in Taurus"

La Luna

you speak to me in candle light

in soft murmurs of ancestor's names

traces of their memoirs

written in my bones

La Luna

your soft light

caresses the tender places

within me

Your wisdom and mystery

speak to me in waves

teaching lessons of impermanence

patience and compassion

for the times of waiting

for the times of longing

Your grace and stillness

teach me to love

from a distance

without drawing lines

in the sands

of relationship

self and the other

are only a dream

so easily dissolved

washed away by the tides

of breath

of presence

of listening

La Luna

guide us

teach us to remember

our likeness

within the darkness and light

teach us to let go

to embrace

the waxing and waning

all phases of life

embrace

the essence of soul

ever full

ever bright

October 27th

"The Way Water Heals"

When I take my gaze to the sky

and rain drops meet

tear soaked eyes

my illusion of smallness

evaporates

all that remains is the

oceanness

of being

October 7th

"Sitting with God on a Bench in Fall"

Who am I

I am love

I am grace

I am harmonious sound

I am light

I am darkness

I am strength

Courage

Vulnerablility

I am open

Space

The conscious observer

Awareness

Atman

Soul

I am truth

Wisdom

I am reflective

Reflection

Revelation

Resurrected

I am harmony

Heartstrings

Wholeness

Embodied

I am universal

Divine

Radiance

Supple

Softness

I am serenity

Serendipity

Speaks of the mystery

Of who I am

I am One

Connected

Always

More than

My fears

Trembling

Tears

I am accepting

Aches

Longing

Worries

Attachment

Separation

I overcome

By letting go

Free fall

Into depths

Unseen by my eyes

Unheard by my ears

Untouched

Untasted

Stillness

Universal Love

Truth

Intelligence

I am

Because you are

Because we

Are

One

September 25th

"When the weight of the world presses down"

The human condition

deception

manipulation

oppression

wounded

we wound

we deceive

we manipulate

we oppress

Like attracts like

creates like

Love

more powerful

honesty

truth

liberation

Healed

we heal

The human condition

September 23rd

"Strides"

Walking along a new path

that which my eyes have never seen

my ears have never heard

lips never tasted

yet my heart sings the same song

my breath carriers the same weight

releases me from a similar pain

that of fear unguarded

of a mind unkept

a body untrained

a spirit caged

yet

that was yesterday

and true living is for today